On the Stage

I wish I could have a little Christmas responsibility!

List of things I haven't done:

-Thought of anything I want from anyone
-Thought of anything I'm getting anyone
-Christmas Cards
-Hang lights
-Get out Christmas Decorations for indoors
-Thought about the possibility of a new fake tree for indoors (the one we have now was free and is super ghetto)

I'm sure there are more but that's what's hanging over my head. It's almost December and I have nothing thought up or done! Agh!

Come on Lars, buck up and get this shit done.

Yes, of course, I found a way to see RENT on opening night. It has long since past as an OBSESSION of mine, but I still follow RENT and enjoy it quite a lot. My best friend from MNPLS came down unexpectedly and so V relenquished and let us go to the late showing of RENT on Wednesday while she stayed home with Kaia...which was very nice of her.

I've been following RENT since high school and have collected umpteen pieces of RENT memorabilia, seen the stage show 12 times, etc. etc. Obsessed, yes, I know. So, naturally, as I still belong to a message board I've come to love, I've followed RENT the movie since the day it was announced officially and before.

RENT: A-......I loved it, there were some cheesy bad parts, that's for sure, and some not so well done scenes, and some actors were better than others, but I loved it. I'll go see it again with V for sure, I want to see it again in the theatres, preferrably only one more time at full price, then I'll go a couple times when it's dollar theatre time.

The only problem is, with a four year old, we NEVER go see movies. Oh well, we'll TRY to go when it comes to the dollar theatre a couple time, and I'd like to go with V sometime this week, but I don't see that happening :-(

Let's see...what else did I see?

The whole fam went and saw Yours, Mine, and Ours. It was ok...fun-filled classic movie re-make. I'd give it a B+

Mom bought War of the Worlds and so we popped that in...A- I enjoyed it quite a bit. It was good, got to the end and I was all..."This is it?" kind of wanted more, but it was good.

The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou...don't know. Only got through a little over half of it before we had to leave to do something, and if I don't get around to watching the rest, I don't care. It was fuckin' weird and we only continued watching to see what the hell happened in the end.

Employee of the Month...A- - It was good! LOTS of twists at the end, and I called ALMOST all of them, so does that make the movie good or bad that I could call them all? Eh, it was good! One of your lesser heard of films, but had Matt Dillon, Christina Applegate and Steve Zahn.

I THINK that's it. We played a bunch of board games too, ate a bunch of food, and watched a bunch of sports (DAMN YOU ISU...ALWAYS GETTING MY HOPES UP AND THEN CRUSHING THEM).

The wedding was fantstic, the singing was great, everything was beautiful. I felt extreme pride for my daughter as she walked down the aisle having fun throwing the flowers with her new friends (the other flower girl and the ring bearer). It was just months ago that she wouldn't do it without holding on to mommy for my SIL's wedding.

Arizona was just great. Great weather, great people, great golfing.

There were some problems with everyone's kids, but mine was the not going to sleep and hanging and gripping onto mommy so tight and other things. It embarassed the hell out of me and makes me feel like a bad parent. All last week and all this week I'm just coming to realize fully that there are some bad, bratty parts of my kid, everyone sees them, I had to have done something horribly wrong or AM doing something horribly wrong and my kid is going to turn out to be the kid everyone hates. Since I can remember I knew I'd have kids and I didn't NOT want them to be the ones everyone talks about behind backs and the bratty ones, but that's what I got now. She has such GOOD qualities too, such good qualities, and I love her to death still, but there are some things that are bad and need to change and everyone knows it and everyone is talking behind our backs on what fucking failures we are and all the things we are or have done wrong and all the things they would have done different or all their different ways they would handle what's going on now. I just feel like a complete loser of a parent, a failure, and I don't know where to go from here.

THAT is why I haven't posted, because though there were a bunch of nice things happening, there are also bad things and those are what's always at the forefront of my mind and I know you all are sick of hearing my bitching...so I just dind't post.

It is 12:41am early Monday morning and we take off in 8 hours to drive to Omaha, NE to take off in a plane for Arizona for the week. My sister's wedding is Friday, I get to sing in it, Kaia gets to be flower girl.

I'm excited, I haven't seen where she lives, haven't been to this part of Arizona. She lives in a suburb of Phoenix, I've just been to Mesa area for choir tour in college.

Should be 80's all week :-)

Going to run with my sister out there because she's started running too and she says she's right about at the same pace as I am.

See you all next Monday.

P.S. Tornados! Hit all around Story City and Ames...but did not hit in our city. One tornado touched down to the east of us. Touched down north of Interstate 30..which is basically Story City, but did not get us. We went and hung out in the basement of a neighbor friend. We were going to go to mom and dad's house, 3 doors away, but they left that morning for Arizona, so their neighbors are friends since they moved in and they're great so I just knocked on their door and we chilled out in the basement where they had a TV and radio. Very cool people :-) Kaia was a tad scared at first, but she wasn't for long and she wasn't actually that scared as I'm trotting across the lawns with her in my arms on the way to the neighbors house. See...all we have is a cellar (a la Wizard of Oz) and it's small and gross and since I have to go outside to get there anyway I checked out the skies and knew I could run to my parents house, so I wasn't being a bad dad by dragging her outside during tornados. Anyway, we're all good and Story City is all good and so that's about the closest anything has come since I've been alive. The tornado sirens were going off when we were in the basement. I only remember one other time where we were in the basement and the sirens were going off and I was only about 8 or so.

I ran again last night, yay me! I did another 3 miles...and again, it was hard. It's pretty much just going to be hell for 3 or 4 weeks and then hopefully it'll get easier. Didn't help that I had a headcold and so I was tired and also, the last half mile was a dead run against the wind and it took every bit of will power to continue and not just quit. Many, many times I thought about stopping and just facing defeat for the night. One time I even thought, "Maybe running just isn't for me." But I can't quit, I don't want to quit, I just want it to be easy right away and it's just not going to be.

I guess another reason it seemed harder is we cut a minute off from Tuesday. I came in at 31:40 today. Still 10:33/mile average...that needs to improve a lot, but I'm just starting so I am ok with it.

My friend I'm running with is a tri-athlete, so he ran with me until the end then he burst ahead...I'm waiting for when 3 miles is that comfortable for me. I'm sure he finished a minute more ahead of me, I'm just glad he's running with me and I have someone to run with

Gotta keep going, keep churning those legs.

I called this morning and left a message with the woman that is going to come measure, so I'm waiting for her to call back. That's all there is with that, I just asked her for the # and left it at that, I'll just take care of it. -- and as I'm typing this big long blog she called and she'll come measure it tonight, so all is ok there too.

However, while asking her for the # I say "Keep in mind some times to take Kaia to the new daycare, that's all I'm sayin'" and she said "I think we're going to do that today"...so that's good!

Last night when she got home with Kaia there was not much conversation and much moody-ness on her part. She started in on supper and figured out she was missing one ingredient. But she said, "I'm missing heavy whipping cream and gas" which meant "Go fill my car with gas while you're out" so, whatever, I decided to do that for her.

Well she has been complaining for probably months now, that her car was making weird noises and she felt like it was going to explode. I kept telling her to take it to my dad and see if he knows anything. She never did. So last night as I get into her car to fill it with gas, I back it out of the driveway and it makes the most godawful noise I've ever heard a car make. It makes it every. time. I. use. the. brake. Hello! Even I can figure out there's a problem with your brakes. But I take it to my dad, he confirms that and says it's probably the brake pads and brake drum...which, he said he just had done on his truck, and it's about $500 or somewhere around there. Well, we are really strapped for cash right now, so that just wont work. This is the car I had before I got the one I have now and so this is the car that has plenty of miles and also has the front right tire well all scrunched up and shitty because I had the tire completely explode while going close to 80mph on the interstate last year. SO...with that exploded front, the shitty breaks, and the high mileage I am SURE we will not get jackshit for trade in value, but with the price it will probably be to have it fix, the car is not worth that and we might as well shop for a very cheap used car. But first, I'll have to pay $80 or so to have the mechanic just look at it and tell me what's wrong and how much it'll cost. YOu know, because the bastards charge about $80 an hour for work. If we end up going the route of used car, which I don't see another way around it, then we'll be using probably all of the bonus I'm about to get from work and therefore, shitty Christmas presents for everyone because we'll be pretty friggin' out of money and we were hoping to feel a little better once this bonus hit the bank, but not anymore. Always something right?

ANYWAY -- after I learn the fate of the car I go to the only grocery store in town and learn that they are clean out of heavy whipping cream. Apparently the driver that usually brings the dairy-type stuff is on vacation and so he has a replacement doing his job and the replacement forgot about half the stuff. The dairy container was missing almost all yogurt and some milks and stuff...GREAT. An already pissed off, stressed out wife will now just have a shit-fit with this news.

I go home, and I was right, she's pissed off and storms into the other room and throws herself on the floor to try and hide for a minute and cool off. So the chicken was done, the noodles were done, but the alfredo sauce really cannot be completed without the heavy whipping cream. Oh, and I called my mom and she didn't have any either.

So I propose using the noodles for spaghetti anyway and so we do that. I also eat some of the chicken because it's yummy and has that yummy spice concotion that my sister invented. Supper is pretty much diverted at least. A waste of a chicken breast and a half and a waste of whatever else goes into the sauce but oh well.

As we're eating I break the silence and say that if she plays with Kaia I will make the kitchen cleaner because I'm really getting sick of all the messy shit and so I'm taking some action (which is why I did the upstairs area Saturday and it felt great). No response, which I take as ok and spring into action. I'm actually breaking a sweat by cleaning hard and fast and the kitchen is pretty ok looking, still dishes, but I couldn't get them all done at once with the dishwasher full and having to take the water spout because it's a pull-out, old dishwasher that plugs into the faucet with hot water and then has a power cord too. So there's still some dishes, but I scrubbed the counters, cleared off the table, cleared the kitchen floor and swept it. So the kitchen can be really good in the next couple of days of finishing cleaning it, the bathroom is "ok", the upstairs area is fantastic, our room is "ok", Kaia's room is "ok" and the laundry/playroom is still pretty messy.

Then I called my friend and we set up to go running at 9 pm. When I first told her I wanted to run she was a little iffy, but then I set it up anyway and when I went to leave she was fine and told me to have a good run, etc.

That run was horrendous! 3 miles after about a month break and only running about 2 1/2 weeks before the month break. It was HARD. I'm sore today. We ran our normal course through town backward this time and it is more uphill and we ran it at a slightly faster pace...man I was beat when we were done. It was 3 miles in 32 minutes and some seconds. Felt so good to get out and run though. We set up Thursday for our next run. Then probably one or two times over Fri-Sun and then my sister who is getting married and we're going out for in Arizona says she has started running, so I'll just run with her out in AZ! ETA: I just checked, Sept. 18th was my last run. And it was about 2 weeks of solid running before that. So it's closer to 2 months since I've run last.

So we got done, we watched My Name is Earl then I went home and V and I watched Desperate Housewives and went to bed!

THAT, my friends, was my evening...and, as you know Merrit, I didn't even talk about what happened during the day!

Day is done and I am weary
walking on these lonely roads.
Suddenly a blazing flower
in the wintry sky unfolds.

Lo, behold the rose of Christmas
blooming brightly at heaven's door.
Oh, to drink it wondrous beauty
and to yearn for more, and more.

Rose of Christmas perfect flower sweetest childhood melody.
Beautiful enchanted hour when my mother sang of thee.

I do know the rose of Christmas also blooms for you tonight
and for you the heaven's glisten peacefully in perfect light.

I wish I could write like that! This is one of the songs we're singing in the choir I am in...the lyrics are great...but you need to hear it with the music...it's just unbelievable.

There are things that are IMPORTANT for parents to do, whether we want to do them or not. There are things we just have to do. Things that are important for our child.

I understand that.

You understand that.

Why. can't. my wife?

Kaia is starting her new daycare November 21. We have this week left at the old daycare and then next week we are in Arizona from Monday-Sunday and then BAM! it's Monday the 21st and new daycare time.

We have told Kaia allllll about this new daycare and she went out a month and a half or more ago with my mom to get some information, they didn't stay to visit or anything, and then about a week after that with me and my mom so I could see the place, talk to the people and just show Kaia what was up. She didn't stay to play or anything.

Kaia is NOT excited about the new daycare. I ask her if she is and she says "no." There are things we tell her about the new daycare and she seems to get excited - the fact that they went to the zoo this past summer, they went horseback riding, they have computer to learn and play on, colors, blocks, we bought her a new winter coat and snow pants for when they go out to play in the snow "and I can make snow angels, Daddy, and I wont show my teacher until it's done!" - but she is not excited to go.

She is a very timid little girl. She is very attached to Mommy and Daddy. She is shy of all strangers, half the time it's people she knows. She is even mostly shy around little girls and boys her age. It is absolutely going to break my heart to have to leave her there for the first couple of weeks until I know she is ok and she is having fun. I'm scared because it's a bigger place than two or three kids that she will be ignored. Now, I know this wont happen, but I'm a very "scared for my little girl" Daddy and I can't handle thinking bad thoughts about her :-(.

Anyway, she needs to be brought out a couple of times to spend an hour or two there. She needs to see the kids more, the place more, the teachers more before she goes, I think that will help a lot.

I have no PTO left -- I have ONE hour, that's all!

Therefore V needs to take her. This is something that practically needs to be done for our child so the transition is good and so she can become a little more comfortable with her new surroundings before she gets ripped from our arms screaming and crying the first week when she gets dropped off.

Last week she was "too busy" to have time to do it. She just plain dind't have time...supposedly.

This week...no time Monday. So I call this morning, I wake her up at 8:30 because I thought she'd be up, but I guess on Tuesday/Thursday she doesn't have to leave until 10 am so she didn't *need* to be up yet. So, of course, she was a crab and didn't want to talk...perfect excuse to not have to go out of her way to get something accomplished.

I ask her when she can this week -- just like I asked her Monday -- and she says she doesn't know, she doesn't have her schedule. You know she wont get up to get her schedule and wake up to attempt to be an adult yet either. So I say it needs to be done so does she have an idea on when she can do it? Can she skip a class or two? She doesn't know when she'll have time she'll have to get back to me when she has her schedule and time to talk to me. I say "If we don't talk about it now then pretty soon it'll be Thursday and I'll be here again talking to you about when you can do this" and she says "I don't have my schedule so I don't know I'll have to talk to you later" etc etc so I say, "Well, if that means talking to me tonight then Tuesday will have been gone and you'll only have Wednesday, Thursday and Friday." "I don't know when I have time...etc etc etc" so here's the line that made her hang up on me "Well, if you could wake up now and take her out there then..." HUNG UP, she hung up on me. Like usual. I tell her how things needs to be because she can't figure them out herself or doesn't want to face reality and she hangs up on me. Happens quite a lot if we talk about anything serious on the phone.

Our daycare lady for one more week gets veteran's day off...yes, you heard me...veterans day OFF, WITH pay. So the last day she needs to watch Kaia, Friday, she gets off with pay (because her husband gets it off of work she wants it too) but my dad gets it off too because he works for the city (DOT) so he's going to watch Kaia for us. I'm guess Thursday night will roll around and Veronica will have not made time in her schedule to take Kaia to her new daycare and so I will have to ask my dad if he can take Kaia to try and get a little acclimated. Even though it's not HIS daughter, HE'S not going to be taking her and it's HIS day off.

I can't take any time off to do this or I would. I don't have the time! I have ONE HOUR. I could take lost time, not get paid, to do this. But that would just be ridiculous when I have a perfectly able wife and mother of my child to do this.

What am I suppose to do?

Anyone who watched "How I Met Your Mother" understand the title of this blog ;-)

I got my tuxedo last night! It came in the store and I went and got it. Looks good! Fits great. I think I will wear it to sing in my sister's wedding.

I got it because that's the required dress for the choir I'm in, but hopefully I can find more reasons to wear it.

I'd take a picture, but I don't have a bowtie yet and I probably couldn't get the picture onto my blogger anyway.

So now I have a suit and a tux. I am stylin' and profilin'.

Tonight's the night, tonight is the night I start running again. V doesn't have to work so I WILL run.

I wanted to run Sunday night but I got the rolled eyes from Veronica...thanks for the support honey. Grrrr...I'm trying to do something worthwhile and healthy and I get rolled eyes and disgust that I wanted to leave the house to run.

I've posted three things today, at least one of them had to have been worthy of a comment.

Maybe these will get some kind of comment... ;-)



THe cake I made!

and...that's it folks it is NOT letting me do pictures at all...probably my shitty Internet connection.

I just find this all too funny. I'm sure many of you who work in an office have read this already but here it is...

The Hunter


An 80-year-old man goes to his doctor for his annual check-up. The doctor asks him how he's feeling. The 80-year-old says, "I've never felt better. I now have a 20-year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?"



The doctor considers his question for a minute and then begins. "I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid trophy hunter and never misses a season. One day, when he was out hunting, he accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun. When he got to the creek, he saw a prime beaver sitting beside the stream of water. He raised his cane and went 'bang, bang'. Suddenly, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead. What do you think of that?"



The 80-year-old said, "I'd say somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver."



The doctor replied, "My point exactly".

Anyone else see this on NBC this weekend?!

What an awesome race! I would love to run in that some day. Makes me want to get out there and keep running. (Ok, I haven't run in about a month...but I am NOT giving up hope on this running thing, I will I will I WILL get back out and run again, I still have my friend Robby waiting for me to start again.)

It came down to the closest finish ever this year, with world record-holder Paul Tergat taking the finish from Hendrick Ramaala by :01 seconds. Our American Meb finished in 3rd.

Those guys are amazing.

They also did a 4:21 mile which is a record for the NYC marathon.

I really did!

The upstairs landing between Kaia's room and ours. So you go up the stairs and come to this landing area and walk across it to Kaia's room or take a right and it's our room. It's hard to explain but it's about 15'x15' area. It's lined with bookshelves (We really like books and reading) and one desk Veronica uses for school work. And then it was just clogged with boxes from the move. Stuff we hadn't got to or didn't know where to put...

Well, I solved most of that problem! I found a spot for most things and for other stuff, I put it somewhere else, lol, because it wasn't supposed to be there.

Saturday evening around 6 PM I am wondering what in the hell I am going to do until Kaia goes to bed at 8:30. I canNOT play dolls or go fish for 2 1/2 hours straight...I just can't do it, and once again the messy house was eating away at me, so I sent Kaia up to play in her room and I felt bad that I did that, so I went up there with her and she played and cleaned a bit in her room and played with me and helped me clean out in the landing area. Half of the boxes was Kaia's stuff anyway, so she had a blast finding toys she didn't remember having or toys she was excited to see again.

It was fun! and dammit, it's clean now! It is such a glorious feeling. My favorite chair is up there. It goes in the corner between book shelves unless someone wants it out then they can pull it out. The floor is cleared and you can walk and play out there. There is a little 13" TV there (that I watched Category 7 on last night since our TiVo was taping Desperate Housewives and Law & Order) and Veronica's school desk. It is great...such a great feeling!

Now...the main floor -- living room, laundry/play room, Kitchen, and entryway...ugh...oh yeah, and our bedroom. Well at least that one room makes me feel happy and accomplished now! And I see that room everyday as I pass through it on the way downstairs and then also on the way to my room.

I should have taken a before and after picture, I should still take an after picture!

Ever think that since you haven't blogged, or haven't blogged anything interesting that everyone thinks nothing is going on in your life?

Well, that's not true here, there is plenty going on. I just replay these stories of things going on in my head and they are sooo long that I just don't have the time here at work to write it all out anymore. I wish I could...I don't guarantee it would interest any of you, but I want to.

The continuing saga on the music for my sisters wedding --

Got the two songs downloaded and found another version of "The Prayer" on Limewire, so I have all three now burned onto a CD.

Just one problem...listening to the two "The Prayer" tracks I could tell something was not right on the first one, I tried singing it and it sure felt lower. So I had Veronica go over to the piano and play it the way we're used to singing it, out of the Josh Groban book, and sure enough it's 1/2 step lower than normal...and that's the one off MSN music, the one that is from the Karaoke CD "Sing Josh Groban." WHy the hell would they choose a different key?

So, I play the other one I found on Limewire...don't know where this one came from, but it's one whole step HIGHER than what we're used to singing.

Now...I am a high first tenor...I sing high, like a girl at times ;-). But, in this particular song it ends on an A above the Treble Clef line. Visual time...



The bottom left shows the A that I end on for this song. I can hit that fine, no problem. Take that a step higher and now I'm ending on a B...which is the picture two over from the A, or second from right on the bottom line. I can hit that too, but it's a very light, piano sounding note and those are always harder to hit and control. Sopranos and tenor know this, the higher the note, the harder to control. So, that's singing that all high and floating. I also hit that at the climax of the song where I'm just singing the shit out of the notes and THAT will be great. Nothing like slamming out some high notes, so rich and enjoyable. So, since the song goes low for both Jena and I at one point we cannot lower it a half step, so I'm sure we'll take the higher route. It should be fun! I absolutely LOVE being a tenor and I love hitting the high notes. It'll just be interesting to sing in a new, higher key! :-)

Trying to upload pictures...not working. Grrrr. I will have to try later tonight or tomorrow night. Sorry...my Internet is kind of slow.

I cancelled that stupid order for $56 and got the two tracks I needed on MSN music for 99 cents a piece.

Muahahaha....I saved $54 dollars :-D

Everything is good again! Well...we're still singing with a CD instead of live with an accompanist, but ok.

Money is really tight right now in my little household...and we're feeling the pinch.

So today the shit just hits the fan with my sister and us singing at our other sister's wedding in 3 weeks. She's singing one song, and we're singing a song together.

The sister that is getting married did not get an accompaniest for us and so we're left with finding backing tracks to sing to.

Well that can't be done easily and free so we're left with finding a karaoke CD with the songs on it...is what I find out today from my sister I'm singing with. She just sends a scathing e-mail to me about how busy she is and stressed and how why can't I step up and do this one thing and blah blah blah. FYI -- last we left this, my sister and I, we had agreed we didn't know what we were doing for music but we had ideas of trying to do it ourselves or getting karaoke cds.

Well, FUCK, I'm pissed, whatever...whatever. So, I order the CDs. 1 cd that has the one song on it, and one CD that has the other song on it. 2nd day UPS so she can get the CDs and practice her song...because she's STRESSED.

$56

$56

oh there's more...

I don't need practice on the song we're singing together. We've done it 5 or more times together already, never with a CD, always with live accompaniment. But whatever, no problem. But she's worried. THen she's worried about the song she's singing...though she's been singing it with the CD it's on for weeks now, all she needs to do is sing it without the chick singing it too...

$56

I'm pissed...and there's more but it's 4:30 and I have to go get Kaia and pay my daycare lady $105 that we can't afford...ah adulthood, right? I'll finish my story later...

Yeah, baby! It rocked...I knew it would. V and I were with two people who didn't know the show and they loved it! They were just rolling in their seats laughing and eating it up. It is such a good show...I'm telling you!

It was NOT as good as the one we saw in Des Moines...but it was still fantastic!

Once again, a couple really shone through...


Troy Scarborough as "Horse" was just out of the park fantastic. His voice was perfection for this role and his acting was practically spot on.


STEVE DeBRUYNE was fantastic as Malcolm. I just love this role. My favorite role, the role I would play if I did it. Such a great role, and his voice was great. Not quite as good as Leo when I saw it in Des Moines...but still won it over for me easily.

Those were the two that really stood out...the rest were all good, just those two were the best, in my humble opinion.



P.S. Rumor has it they are doing it for the Des Moines Playhouse next year...if they are, I am SO auditioning. If I got one of the guys I would be in a hilarious show, and I would be naked on stage baby!!

I'm ready for it...bring it on!

The lights, the sounds, the smells, the happyness, the fellowship, the songs, the atmosphere, the snow, the songs, the family, the smiles, the food, the songs, the presents, the joy, the love.

Christmas rocks my world, more and more every year I love it.

I'm ready to sing the songs!

It is "the most wonderful time of year" corny...but it is!

Thanksgiving is great...very good food, but move over Thanksgiving, make way for Christmas!

I'm ready to decorate my house. I'm ready to have a good tree (with some money maybe I can). I'm ready to be happy! Everyone, on the whole, is happier in the month of December. I'm ready for some days off of work.

I'm ready for presents! I don't care how old I get, I'll always look forward to presents. But do you know what? I SO look forward to giving presents too. To make Kaia SOOOO happy, and the older she gets the more she'll be happy to get that one thing she's always wanted! And I love figuring out what V would want and surprising her!

Woo! Christmas time is right around the corner :-D