At the end of my rope
I told Veronica last night that I'm having a breakdown and I feel like getting in my car and driving off the bridge (by the way, there is no way I would EVER kill myself). I was crying, I don't know what more I can do. I can't handle all of it, I can't, I just can't seem to do it right now. I DON"T CRY. And even last night I couldn't cry like I wanted to, I want the fucking flood gates to open...to let it all out, but I can't. It won't happen, god, maybe I've trained myself to not even let it happen anymore. But I was crying, can't that show Veronica SOMETHING, that I'm serious about this.
I am so incredibly unhappy with my home life, with my relationship, and with my parenting and housekeeping skills right now. I must be doing something horribly wrong in every one of those mother fucking department or I Wouldn't be feeling this way.
No, this is not a fucking plea for attention, I'm just letting something out somehow or I'm going to crack. Please don't comment and tell me to buck up, or suck it up, or it's not as bad as it seems, or it'll get better, because it is as bad as it seems and sometimes I don't think it'll get better. Don't say "oh here we go again" or "what is it now?"
I just want to shut down and not go to work, not go to choir, not blog, not run, not do anything.
I hate that I have to pretend to be happy here at work. I don't feel like talking to anyone today. I don't feel like eating. But one major thing, I don't want medical help, I don't need that. I"m not clinically depressed, I'm having a low moment, it'll come back up. I don't want to go to a psychologist or a counselor, I don't need that. I just need to take a break, and I need some support from my wife...which I'm not getting.
I would delete my blog, but I don't want to lose everything happy and fun from the past, so I'm just going to leave it, but for now I'm stopping. Please don't feel sorry for me, I don't want that, just leave me alone for a while.
I am so incredibly unhappy with my home life, with my relationship, and with my parenting and housekeeping skills right now. I must be doing something horribly wrong in every one of those mother fucking department or I Wouldn't be feeling this way.
No, this is not a fucking plea for attention, I'm just letting something out somehow or I'm going to crack. Please don't comment and tell me to buck up, or suck it up, or it's not as bad as it seems, or it'll get better, because it is as bad as it seems and sometimes I don't think it'll get better. Don't say "oh here we go again" or "what is it now?"
I just want to shut down and not go to work, not go to choir, not blog, not run, not do anything.
I hate that I have to pretend to be happy here at work. I don't feel like talking to anyone today. I don't feel like eating. But one major thing, I don't want medical help, I don't need that. I"m not clinically depressed, I'm having a low moment, it'll come back up. I don't want to go to a psychologist or a counselor, I don't need that. I just need to take a break, and I need some support from my wife...which I'm not getting.
I would delete my blog, but I don't want to lose everything happy and fun from the past, so I'm just going to leave it, but for now I'm stopping. Please don't feel sorry for me, I don't want that, just leave me alone for a while.
